Last weekend I took a trip to Lousiana. We were going to visit a friend near New Orleans. According to google maps the trip was going to take around 6 hours. We left out around 8 am saturday and headed south. Although i was a bit cramped we had a good time on the way down. You wouldn’t believe how much fun can be derived from a small fake titty.
Before I talk about this next part of the trip let me say I am not a fan of bridges. Very high and long bridges increase my pucker factor to about 50 psi. As we got closer to New Orleans the road turned into a bridge. Unless you have been on this bridge words can not do it justice. It was like a never ending bridge. But all things considered it wasn’t that bad as the bridge wasn’t very high and the scenery was pretty interesting. I saw communities built on the water. From what I could see it appeared these people made a life there on the lake/swamp. Small houses with boats as their only transportation. I was thinking it would be kind of cool to go and spend some time with these people and see just how they lived. As we trekked across the bridge it soon began to rain. Now when I say rain I am not talking about a gentle rain. I am referring to monsoon type rain. Traffic slowed to a crawl with visablity very very limited. Now my bridge anxiety started to kick in. It could be because of my military training, but whenever I am in a bad or potentially bad situation, I run scenios in my head on what I would have to do if things go really bad. I think it was made worse by the fact that i was not driving and I not big on situations that aren’t more in my control. At that moment I renamed Lake Pontratrain to Lake Bullshit.
All I can say is the person in charge of designing the bridge system in Louisiana must be on crack. We finally got to an area were there was land under the bridges and soon the bridge turned back into road. Where we were going wasn’t a very large place. In fact it was a very small town. None of us had been there so we were relying on the map to get us there. The rain really didn’t help matters. Now I must say I am not used to going down winding roads with swamp 2 feet off each side of the road. The alters to dead drivers along side of the roadway wasn’t helping either. I swear one of them was inspired by voodoo. We finally get to the Street ( and i use that term very lightly ) we were looking for.
Bill’s bar ( heh bill ). Picture this. A country bar full of canjuns wearing Hawaiian shirts and grass skirts, playing the beach boys. I FREAKIN LOVED IT. The bartender was the brother of our friend and was a very nice guy. I enjoyed listening to the people talk. It ended all too soon.
Unfortunately we had to head back home early. Now it could have been from eating a lot of junk food from truck stops or maybe the beer but my stomach was not happy. Once again i was in a cramped space going down the road but this time that was the least of my worries. I was doing my best not to crop dust the people I was with. I managed, through super intestinal fortitude, to stay in control until we got to a place were i could take the browns to the superbowl. Note for future trips: pack some snacks for self. It took 3 days to return to normal operational status.
Overall it was a fun trip. It would be hard not to have a good time with the people I was with.
I’m going to end this with some things that will make no sense to anyone other than the people that were with me.
Transvestite, Twins, Voodoo Squirrel, Fake Titty, Lake Bullshit.