Over the past couple of months i’ve been having a huge internal debate as to what my future will be online. Including my future with tg007.net. I’ve spent so long online trying to help people. Trying my best to help those I consider my friends and those I barely know. Hours upon hours of helping other people with their problems. For the most part the people i’ve helped have been grateful. I’ve never asked for public thanks for what I do. Most of it is done behind the scenes with few people even knowing I had a hand in it. But with all that, it only takes one person to shoot it all down. I’m at the point where i’m ready to quit the site i’ve worked on so hard for years and I have no idea why. It used to be so important to me. Lately, it’s different. It’s not about building friendships anymore. I’m tired of defending who I am and why I do what I do. I think I should be past that. My actions of the past should be enough to show people I don’t think i’m better than anyone else. I’ve done nothing in the past to show that I think or act that way. Maybe it’s just a combination of things. Or a build up of a feeling over the years. I try to see the good in people and many times that bites me in the ass. I’m always more willing to help people than to ask for or accept help myself. I think i’ve given more than i’ve taken over the years. So why is it that one twit can make me question all of it. Could be just the wrong thing said and the right time. Maybe it’s just a slight push of an already leaning rock. I know what i’ve done online isn’t anything special though i’d like to think that i’ve played a positive part in some people’s lives. I have a few regrets over the years but I can not say I would have done things any different. I stick by what I think is right regardless of what anyone else thinks, because at the end of the day when i push away from the pc I have to be ok with my decisions. I’ve spent years learning the things I know about design and I’m letting one n00b get to me with his mindless accusations. I was questioned as to my right to use the word More… I surf so many sites writing down ideas from here and there and bookmarking css files that contain things i wasn’t aware of. I use the stuff I find to make free layouts for others to use. And I know the people that download them aren’t really going to use them as they are. It’s just like mirc scripts. People download them and pick them apart to see how it works. It’s the way i’ve learned over the years. I know the stuff I make at best is only going to be picked apart to see how it’s done. I have no problem with that. I understood that going into it. I’d rather one person learn how to do it themselves from looking at something i’ve done than 100 people just use the layout because they don’t want to learn. Lucky for err0r he jokes all that stuff off. Never really lets it get to him. The only problem is err0r is fading away and leaving only me. Maybe i’m just tired. Tomorrow may bring a renewed vigor. I’ll end this whine fest with my favorite poem.
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