err0r.net

For the past week i’ve had to take a lot of medication. I really hate talking any sort of pill. I usually just try to suffer through the pain. I take nyquil for cold symptoms and bc for headaches. Usually that’s it. The past two weeks i’ve been dealing with a lot of pain and discomfort. I finally broke down and got the medication i needed which included some pain meds. Since i’ve been on the medicine i haven’t felt myself. The worst effect of the meds is that i feel very irritable. Things that normally don’t bother me have really been getting to me. I’ve always been sort of an introvert anyways but this past week has made me more so than normal. I’m almost over my little spell so i’m hoping I will get to feeling normal again soon. But I have a lingering fear that it’s not just the meds. I’m at a low point in my life and I’m finding it hard to muster up the will to do anything. I’m not suicidal or anything like that. I’m just down in the dumps. If any of you had a bf or gf in highschool and broke up and all you wanted to do is sit in your room and listen to sad songs that is sort of the feeling I have. I know I shouldn’t. I have tons of things that are really good in my life. I don’t understand the uneasiness that i feel and i don’t communicate my feelings to those around me.  All my life  i’ve felt alone.  I haven’t been mind you but i feel that way. I do spend a lot of time alone which could be the reason. I’m good around people. I’m not ostracized or anything like that.  People  generally like me, though it’s not easy to get close to me. This post is the closest thing to telling others about me that i’ve ever shared. I have a very difficult time relying on other people. I’ve really been burned a few times when i’ve trusted someone too much. I spend way too much time watching the world instead of participating in it. But it’s my comfort zone. I keep asking myself do i really want to change that. It’s hard changing who you have been for so long. I feel though with each passing negative incident i  put up another wall between myself and the world. I am broken somehow. I don’t know when or how it happened but it happened. Some part of me doesn’t work like it should. I hope it can be fixed. ( blame this on the meds i’m taking ) </end>